


Time for a Wedding, Wayne Style

by Living_Free



Series: Slip and Slide [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Weddings, batfamily, dick’s sequin obsession, tim and his dildos, wally’s medium sized cock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-17 09:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13656465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: You have been cordially invited to the wedding of Jason Todd-Wayne and Roy Harper. Please leave your sense of reality at the door.A series of drabbles that explores the saga that is Jason’s and Roy’s wedding. With the Bats organizing, it’s sure to be quite an event.





	1. Chapter 1

“Is everything ready?”

“Yes, Roy,” his friends groaned for the umpteenth time that day.

“I need to make sure that the drapes-“ Roy paused, his eyes popping. “Are those begonias?”

Poor little Garfield, who was in the unfortunate position of being next to the suspected begonias, cringed. “Um...they’re...flowery?”

Roy looked ready to put an arrow through the green lad. “I specifically ordered white carnations!”

Garfield looked around wildly for an escape. Spotting none, he turned into a hamster and ran up to Koriander, where she scooped him up and tucked him into her cleavage where he popped his head out to survey the carnage. On the other side of the room, Raven, Ravager, and Cyborg watched with ill-disguised jealousy.

“Friend Roy, you must calm down,” Kori said, hugging Roy, “I fear that you will transform into a bridal beast.”

“Bridezilla,” Garfield supplied from where he was nestled in Kori’s ample chest.

Roy took a deep breath and exhaled forcefully. “Yeah, you’re right,” he conceded. “But I just want everything to be perfect this one day. Jay hasn’t had many nice things, and I want this wedding to be something that he’s going to cherish.”

“Aw, man,” Cyborg said sagely, draping his large metal arm around Roy, “you don’t need some big wedding or prissy flowers for that. Jason’s going to cherish one thing out of all of this - a loving spouse.”

There were several ooh’s and aah’s of awe that followed Cyborg’s philosophical statement, but Roy still felt antsy.

“If you don’t calm down, I’ll get Damian to subdue you,” Raven threatened.

“Damian likes me,” Roy snorted.

“Then I’ll get Dick.”

“Dick likes me,” Roy realized in horror. Several bruises during his teenage years were testament to Dick’s famed powers of clinginess. His enemies and friends alike feared the man’s strength, but for very different reasons.

Just then, a voice floated down from the second floor. “ _~Little wing, where are you?~_ ” The ghostly voice sang. “ _I need to contour your cheekbones!_ ”

There was a collective shudder that passed through the Titans and Roy at Dick’s disembodied voice. “Hide!” Ravager hissed, “before it’s too late!”

His flower troubles forgotten, Roy ran and threw himself into a nearby closet. In the dark, he felt another set of limbs pressed against his own.

“Who’s there!?” Roy demanded.

“Relax, it’s me,” Jason’s voice rumbled.

Roy turned and saw Jason’s face close to his, with his soon to be husband’s smirk illuminated by a sliver of light that was filtering through a crack in the door. It was easily the sexiest thing Roy had ever seen.

“Are you hiding too, Jay?” Roy whispered.

“Yeah. Dick wanted to ‘make my cheekbones pop’. I had to sacrifice Tim to him, but I managed to escape.”

“My clever, handsome, strong, hubby,” Roy crooned, running a finger down Jason’s chest.

“Oh baby, talk dirty to me,” Jason growled, pulling Roy in by his hips.

“You have grime on your face, Todd.”

Roy and Jason both jumped in horror and looked down to the source of the voice to see Damian huddled up in the bottom shelf. “You have a streak of dirt across your nose,” Damian said, pointing helpfully.

Roy quickly wiped away the grime as Jason recovered from his shock. “Damian, what are you doing here?”

“Tt. Hiding from Grayson, of course. He wants me to wear a bow tie.”

“That’s not so bad.”

“With sequins,” Damian hissed.

“Oh, ouch,” Jason winced. “Too bad, Dames.”

“What is it with Dick and sequins, anyway?” Roy wondered aloud, remembering the first Robin’s booty shorts.

“I bet its a fetish,” Jason said. “I peeked into Dick’s nightstand once, and I swear that I saw a dildo with sequins.”

Roy giggled and Damian gagged. “Was it a big one?” Roy asked eagerly.

“No, medium sized,” Jason snickered, “just like Wally, apparently.”

“Disgusting, Todd!”

“Oh god, really?”

“Yeah,” Jason laughed. “But man, you should see Tim’s drawer,” Jason said in muted awe. “That boy is way tougher than he looks, that’s for sure.”

Roy gasped, while Damian looked questioning. “Drake has superior pain tolerance? Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jason said, his eyes glinting evilly. “Why don’t you go and ask him about it?” Jason watched, thrilled, as Damian waddled quickly out of the room to interrogate Tim on his pain tolerance.

“Hopefully he asks when Bruce is in the room,” Jason giggled, “he still thinks that Tim is an unspoiled virgin.”

Roy looked fondly at a giggly Jason and realized that this was the man that he was going to promise himself to for eternity. Mind, body, and soul, he would be with Jason Peter Todd-Unwillingly-Hypenated-Wayne. The man who had literally risen from the dead, forged his own path in life, made hard decisions, but still stepped up to th plate for his family in their darkest hour.

Roy’s future had never seemed brighter.

Giddy with joy, Roy leaned in and kissed Jason just as Damian’s voice rang out above them. The couple paused and strained to hear Damian’s muted questions, which were followed by a noise not unlike that of a squid that was performing unskilled oral sex on its squid-significant other.

“Hee hee!” Jason trilled happily, “I think Damian managed to kill Bruce!”

“Oh god,” Roy realized, “I’m marrying into this family.”

Jason winked at him. “They’ll grow on you, babe, like the mold on our wall. We tried to get rid of it, but it just kept coming back stronger, and now, it’s formed a pretty abstract design. A moldy Picasso on our living room wall.”

Listening to the sounds of Bruce gasping, Tim dying of shame, Damian’s confusion, and Dick’s prayers for Tim’s anal health, Roy realized the truth of Jason’s words.

“You know what?” Roy said, grinning, “you’re right.”

“That the mold is really Picasso reincarnated?”

“No dummy,” Roy giggled, and lay his head against Jason’s chest. “About your family. They’re crazy, but they’re your family.”

“ _~Has anyone seen Roy? I’ve got this great eyeliner, it’d make his eyes really pop!~_ ”

Jason grinned. “They’re your family too now, babe. Have fun.”

“Let’s make it official, shall we?”

Jason looped his arm through Roy’s and pushed the closet door open, allowing the light to stream in. “Lead on, Mr. Todd, and I’ll follow.”


	2. Chapter 2

Jason was doing all he could to not scream out of frustration. He was waiting for the chapel doors to open and to be at the alter with Roy, but instead, he was stuck outside hanging off of Bruce’s overly meaty arm.

“You know,” Jason said, “you don’t have to walk me down the aisle.”

“I want to,” Bruce replied, as expressive as a clam. Jason gnashed his teeth at Bruce’s cool demeanor and in an effort to distract himself, looked back at his best man, Dick.

Boy, what a mistake that was.

Dick looked like an anime character, complete with pastel background, sparkly eyes, and wind blowing through his shining hair. It did nothing good for Jason’s blood pressure. “It’s almost time, Jaybird!” Dick trilled. Jason felt his blood pressure decrease at that comment, and acknowledged that perhaps Dick was good for something after all.

Finally, the chapel doors swung open, revealing the long aisle where Roy stood at the end, waiting for his groom. Jason made to run down the aisle, only to fall back inelegantly when Bruce didn’t move. Jason settled in to wait as Dick and Kori floated down the aisle as best man and Roy’s best woman. Their combined beauty and Kori’s very sheer dress drew gasps as they pranced down the walkway.

Next came Cass and Tim, the latter of whom walked sleepily down the aisle and had to be prodded to walk over to his position.

Then it was Damian and Stephanie- why didn’t his family ever end, dammit! - who were the designated flower boy and girl. Damian stomped up the aisle, viciously flinging petals as he went. When he passed by Oliver, he made sure to pick a whole flower filled with pollen to throw at the man order to activate his allergies. As Oliver sneezed, Damian proudly beamed at Roy, and ran over to Dick to be congratulated on his sneaky attack on the reviled Oliver Queen.

Finally, finally, it was time for Jason’s walk down the aisle. The organ music began to crescendo, and the guests stood in anticipation. Jason veritably pulled Bruce down the aisle, his eyes fixed on Roy, who was looking at Jason as though he was the most perfect man in the world.

And really, who could fault him for thinking that?

At long last, Jason reached the altar, and was about ready to fling himself into Roy’s arms. Bruce cleared his throat meaningfully, and looked at Roy. He took Jason’s hand front he crook of his arm and placed it in Roy’s outstretched hand.

“You will take care of my son.”

“Of course, sir,” Roy said eagerly.

“You will never give him occasion to be upset.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You will **never** have intercourse within the Manor,” Bruce insisted angrily.

Roy and Jason looked at each other before nodding. “Sure thing, sir,” Roy said, noticing Jay crossing his fingers behind his back.

“You will call me Bruce from now on.”

Roy looked taken aback before his expression settled into one of happiness. “Thank you, Bruce. I promise you that I’ll love Jay till the end day I die.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Damian snorted, “we’ll just bring you back if you do die.”

“For eternity, then,” Roy said, smiling warmly at his groom, and dammit, Jason was blushing like a virgin viewing porn for the first time. Stupid, emotional, Roy. Jason looked at Roy through his eyelashes and hoped that his cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. The poignant moment between the grooms was broken by a sound not unlike a dying whale gasping for its last breath.

“What was that!?”

“Dick’s crying,” Jason answered, chuckling. And sure enough, Dick was doing his level best to restrain his tears in the face of such deep, stirring, emotion.

“Their Love is so pure!” Dick gasped, “Isn’t Love just the most beautiful thing?” he cried, fat tears running down his cheeks and dripping onto Damian’s head.

“Agh! My perfect hair! Grayson, cease your weeping immediately!”

Jason sniggered and allowed Roy to lead him over to the altar, where Tim and Cassandra were valiantly trying to mop up Dick’s tears and restyle Damian’s hairdo to its former immaculate glory. From his position as the officiant, Alfred beamed fondly at Jason.

“Dearly beloved-” he started.

“Boo hoo!”

“Quick, someone gag him!” Stephanie hissed. Tim hastened to obey her, and clamped his hand over Dick’s mouth.

“Thank you, Master Timothy. We are gathered here today to join Roy Harper and my sweet Master Jason, the most wonderful boy in the world, in holy matrimony...”

The ceremony breezed past, with Jason and Roy reciting their vows, and then kissing in such an intimate manner that Clark was forced to cover his eyes. “Oh my!” Clark cried. Beside him, Kon leaned in for a closer look, eager to employ a similar method with Tim. “Kon, don’t look!”

“Sure, sure,” Kon muttered. “Hey, it’s over, you can look.”

Clark uncovered his eyes, only to see that not only were the men still kissing, but that Roy’s foot was slowly inching up Jason’s leg. “Oh no!” Clark squeaked, devastated at Kon’s betrayal, and covered his eyes again.

“Noob,” Kon chuckled, and proceeded to make eyes at Tim, who made eyes at him right back.

At long last, Dick and Kori managed to pull Roy and Jason apart long enough for Alfred to proclaim them to be wed. After that, everyone traipsed into the reception hall for lunch, and the family made their way up to the high table, where there was pointedly no chair reserved for Oliver Queen.

After the best man/woman speeches - Dick having wept through the entirely of his, and having brought traitorous tears to Jason’s eyes as well - and a scrumptious meal, it was time for the Father and son dance.

“Shall we, son?” Bruce asked, extending his arm to Jason, who rolled his eyes and too it, allowing Bruce to lead him onto the dance floor. Soft music began to play, and Jason was surprised when Bruce tugged him in closer. They began to sway at a comfortable pace, with Bruce humming along to the music.

Jason didn’t know what to make of the situation - he wasn’t generally in a position where he was hugging Bruce - but he figured that it wasn’t wholly unpleasant. Jason allowed himself to relax in Bruce’s arms, content to let the older man take the lead.

“I’m glad that I got to do this with you, Jay,” Bruce said softly. “I’m glad that you let me be a part of your life again.”

Jason felt his cheeks grow warm again. “Yeah, well,” he grunted, “I didn’t plan on it either. I was kinda dragged back into the family. Kicking and screaming,” he added, looking over at Dick, who was dancing nearby with Damian. It was a hilarious sight, with Dick cradling Damian to his chest, and the boy dangling a good foot and a half above the ground. Beside them, Tim was dancing with Stephanie and was very deliberately trying to avoid touching her breasts in any way. On Jason’s other side were Alfred and Cassandra, who were probably the most dignified couple on the dance floor. “They’re kind of alright.”

“They’re wonderful,” Bruce corrected him. “They brought you back home.”

“Yeah.”

The music changed, and everybody stopped dancing. Alfred took the microphone and cleared his throat. “If everyone would kindly clear the dance floor,” he said, “it is time for the first dance of Messers Roy and Jason Todd-Wayne.”

The music swelled and the lights dimmed as Jason latched onto his husband. This was heaven, he thought happily, dancing in Roy’s arms, surrounded by the people that he loved. There would be hard times, and difficult nights - it was a given in their line of work. But for now, he could enjoy this moment with his beloved.

“Not to sound like a sap,” Jason said, “but I really fucking love you, Roy.”

“Aw, babe,” Roy crooned, “I fucking love you too.”

“I love you too, Jaybird!” Dick cried emotionally. “And you, Bruce! And Tim, and Cass, and Alfie, and Steph-“

“Ahem.”

“I love you the most, Dami!” Dick cried happily, scooping Damian up. Damian grinned smugly at everyone from his new, higher, vantage point, as if to say that he was the best loved of them all. In truth, he wasn’t exactly wrong.

“Is he always like this?” Roy whispered to Jason, watching the sickeningly sweet cuddle show.

“Yup. And now, they’re your family, Roy. Prepare yourself for Dick’s Wholesome Love, Caffienated Stalker Timbo, and grunts of approval from He Who Must Not Emote.”

“They’re family,” Roy grinned.

Jason looked fondly at the gathering of Wayne Wackos and Alfred. This was his family, if not by blood, then by choice. _And force,_ he thought, eyeing a beaming Dick who waved gaily at him. Out of the corner of his eye, Jason spied Tim inching towards the bar. Reading his lips, Jason saw Tim offer the bartender money for illlicit coffee. Jason pointed Tim out, prompting Dick to charge towards him, brimming over with protective maternal feelings, followed by Damian, who doubtless wanted blackmail material on Tim.

As Dick forcibly dragged a now limp, defeated, Tim away, Jason chuckled and tucked his face into the crook of Roy’s neck. He couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that all for Jason’s wedding. The Todd-Wayne’s are now happily honeymooning in crime alley, hunting the remnants of Black Mask’s criminal empire with the bazooka that was Tim’s wedding gift to them. 
> 
> But fret not! They’ll be back for more Wayne family hijinks, perhaps with a Little Hoodie with them...


End file.
